Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
