If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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