I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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