Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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