to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
