So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she smelled like a LAN party
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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