Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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