Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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