a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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