so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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