god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
