GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
