I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
