i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
