On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
