I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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