I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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