I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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