I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
