At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
