sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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