May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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