If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize