Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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