You can't special order awesome
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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