Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
