youre lurking in front of me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
