I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
