I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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