marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
