And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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