This is not my ceiling
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
