we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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