you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
