I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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