yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
