It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
