Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cockslap morals
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
