We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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