are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
