How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize