That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He passed out mid-signature
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
