i think my mom watched the whole time
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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