I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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