either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
