Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize