I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
