i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
