but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
