Too much gin, very little bucket
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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