I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Found the puke drawer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
