i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
