well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
this hospital has no fireball
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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