So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
