he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
