I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She bit a glass in half.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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