I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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