I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
