He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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