Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
