dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
