I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
