Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's shark week go big or go home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
