i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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