I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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