Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
